60 Days of Halloween – Lame Treats

 

Lame treats. There really isn’t an excuse anymore to hand out lame treats with the many Halloween deals that can be found right now in September for such treats. Mini candy bars, mini bags of M&Ms, Starburst, any number of other  name brand treats. Sam’s Club can hook you up for less than $20 in most cases.

With the yearly holiday scares of razor blades or poop in the fun-size Snickers (as famously referenced in this clip from the Halloween episode of the show “Freaks & Geeks”), the dentists offering to buy candy at $1 a pound, there are always going to be those that will still offer lame treats. Here is a list of treats that I have received & my kids have received over the years that fall into the category of “lame treats”:

* Pennies. Really? I remember getting a baggie of 5 or 10 pennies. With all that was being handed out over the night, rolling a few hundred would buy some better treats…

* Popcorn Balls. In my day they were homemade & today you can buy them in bulk at the store. Get ready for chipped teeth…

* Chick Tracts. Now It’s okay with me to send along some of these with a piece or two of candy, but to drop this in your bag alone isn’t the best way to evangelize your neighbors…

* Toothbrushes. Inevitably you will come across someone giving away toothbrushes & sample toothpaste tubes. Not the worst treat to give, not the best either…

* Used Happy Meal Toys. Yes, my children received some one year in their bags. One of them was dirty & still sand-encrusted. Still-sealed toys are alright, used are downright lame (& gross)…

* Stickers. Not the cool ones that you might find from Lisa Frank & the like, these are simple mass-produced stickers that barely have enough sticking power to stick to the paper they come on…

* Generic Peanut Butter Kisses. Don’t get me wrong, these are great treats – when they’re fairly fresh. They aren’t when you can draw on the concrete or break a window with them…

 

There are many more out there, this is just a small list. Share your favorite lame treats in the comments…

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