Monthly Archives: February, 2015

Kanye, No Way!

Kanye, No Way!

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“Retro” girl claims women who dress like Miley Cyrus deserve what they get. We don’t agree…

Matty still can’t understand why women teachers like this are preying on their students, I mean most of these women are hot and could have just about any guy they want…

A judge ruled that unshuffled cards voided games and gamblers were required to return the $1.5 million in winnings…

A women gets fat from a poop implant? R U serious??

Need some extra cash, be a “cuddler”! Jen doesn’t approve…

I guess we can return the swastika dinner goblets since the Manson-Burton wedding is off

All 13 episodes of “The Weird Al Show” are available from ShoutFactory! They also have “Home Movies” too!

Not Safe for Lunch – a woman made yogurt from yeast in her vagina! DO NOT ATTEMPT!

Got a Roku? Then you need to check out some of the craziest Roku channels available!

Matty found that YouTube has a lot of episodes of “Emergency!”, so check it out! YouTube also has “Fantasy Island” episodes too!

How F’d up is this? Arrange to have your Kindergartner kidnapped because he’s “too nice” to strangers? No, this won’t scar him for life…

Matty thought this was cool, representations of combat rations from around the world. Denmark’s is pretty incredible, you gotta feel bad for Ukrainian soldiers…

Kanye is proud of being a non-reader… And he wrote a book… And here’s that crazy video with his wife… Some of the comments are claiming that it was supposed to be a parody… Not sure…

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Until next week Junkies!

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Sunday Cinema – “Gleaming the Cube”

This week I thought I would share an elusive title that hasn’t gotten a proper DVD release. I present:

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Starring a few well-known actors such as Ed Lauter, Steve Bauer, & of course Christian Slater (once billed as Generation X’s “Jack Nicholson”). The movie begins with a bunch of skaters traveling to a private airport. Why, you might be asking yourself since this is supposed to be a skate movie. Turns out they are paying a pilot to fly them over the suburbs on the hunt for empty swimming pools to shred. Once such jaunt ends up with injuries and the police called:

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We also see the bad chemistry between Brian & Detective Lucaro (this will play a big role). Brian has an adopted Vietnamese brother (Vin) that his parents idolize because he is the “good” son. Vin gets fired from his job at a Vietnamese video store for pointing out the weight of medical supplies the owner is sending to Vietnam doesn’t jibe.

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While doing investigating as to why the shipping weights don’t match up, Vin finds out that the crates are filled with weapons that are being smuggled into Vietnam. The owner of the weapons isn’t happy about Vin finding out:

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Instead of scaring him to keep him quiet, they accidentally kill him. Leaving Vin’s body behind, they make it look like a suicide. In one of the touching scenes, Brian is seen wearing his “formal” attire to Vin’s funeral & placing a chess piece on his casket:

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Brian had his doubts about vin killing himself and finds evidence to the contrary among Vin’s things, the paper that Vin took with him after he was fired showing the weight discrepancies:

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Brian tries to get the detective involved in investigating Vin’s murder. Reluctantly, he eventually agrees:

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Lots of action takes place, Vin’s girlfriend is kidnapped which all culminates in this movie’s version of a weapon preparation montage (but with skaters & skate gear):

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Spoiler Alert – the good guys win. And yes, that was a young Tony Hawk with a few other members of the infamous “Bones Brigade”. A good teen action flick with very little language, something fun to watch especially for the Pizza Hut pickup truck at the end. And for the record, “Gleaming the Cube” isn’t a skating move but rather a term meaning to push yourself to dangerous new limits (outside “the cube”) & polishing it until it “gleams”…

Some kind soul has uploaded a copy of the movie on YouTube for all to enjoy!

No, Not Yours

No, Not Yours!

An enterprising person put together plans for a “Left Shark” toy, aptly named after a character in Katy Perry’s halftime show and tried selling it for $24.99. Katy’s lawyers weren’t happy and send a cease & desist letter. If you have a 3-D printer, you can get the plans for free from Thingiverse

A Texas judge ruled that the pinebox that was originally used to bury Lee Harvey Oswald belongs to his brother and not the funeral home that has stored it unclaimed since 1982…

Like Big Macs? Live in Australia? You could have bid on the very first bottle of Big Mac sauce (out of 200) that will be available for sale in a limited-edition-we-ain’t-gonna-do-this-again promo from McDonald’s. The money will go to charity, the first bottle is already at $18,000 US dollars & apparently you can get small cups of the sauce for 50 cents. I like Big Macs, but not THAT much…

Dude, knock it off already with calling female real estate agents to look at properties in the dark – they’re just not into it!

Just gimme some leads! The first lesbian helpline opened up in India with a majority of callers being MEN and many asking for phone numbers! You’re doing it wrong!

Yes, you did intend to kill his penis. A woman splashed acid on the crotch of a guy that had secretly videoed them having sex which went viral. The guy is pissing through a tube & prognosis for making more secret porn starring roles is grave…

Not Safe For Stomachs! This guy (who apparently no longer wants to work in public) tattooed his eyeballs, added hardware under his skin, & surgically removed his nose so he could kind of look like Marvel’s Red Skull. I wonder what surgeon put his license on the line to do that?

This makes sense, “try it before you buy it boob implants“. Matty & Dan wholeheartedly approve!

Coming soon to a dispensary near you, a pot vending machine! Matty agrees with one of the dispensary owners – why have a machine when they have to be screened by staff before using it? Why not just buy from the dispensary?

No Joy” is a creepy video someone made with a montage of photos from the closed down Joyland amusement park out West. Matty wondered why a lot of the rides and such were sold online or sent to the scrapyard for cash…

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Until next week Junkies!

Sunday Cinema – “Radioactive Dreams”

This week’s pick actually had a soundtrack more popular (and now rare) than the actual film. With a few notable stars & a subject matter of interest to Generation X, “Radioactive Dreams” has some highlights among the crap.

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The movie starts out in a sepia-tone (possibly to match up with the archive footage used) with a couple of kids playing in the woods. Next is a huge blast from what appears to be a nuclear missile:

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The next shot is of the men grabbing the boys and heading into what can only be a bomb shelter. The scene of the man & boy with the light & wind as the blast door closes is eerie:

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The opening credits take place with the names of some of the major players (Dean Stockwell, Michael Dudikoff, & George Kennedy, to name a few) as well as the apparent date the story catches up to – April 1, 2010. The boys have spent a long time in the shelter, apparently not finding need to cut their hair, shower, or change into actual clothing. One of the boys broke an opening to the topside after 15 long years:

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After finding a way out, the boys decide to clean up and prepare themselves for the brave, new world ahead of them. Apparently growing up in a bomb shelter with only 40’s pulp novels & music to listen to, it’s only fitting that the boys (named Phillip & Marlowe, respectively) would talk & dress like a couple of dicks (private eyes):

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It’s a wonder that their vehicle starts on the first turn of the key or that the fuel in their trailer is still good after 15+ years, but of course we have to suspend reality. Their first experience in the new world is a woman being chased by a couple of mutants (apparently surfer mutants based on their dress & slang language). The woman is Miles Archer:

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Miles is (or was) carrying the keys to the last un-fired nuclear missile in the country. The keys end up in the possession of Phillip & Marlowe which turns them into the most-wanted men in the wasteland that was America. They encounter all sorts of characters based on different eras from 50’s greasers, 60’s hippie cannibals, & a pair of 70’s disco kids complete with white leisure suits like John Travolta’s in “Saturday Night Fever”. The movie ends with a huge dance number at the end with Marlowe finally showing off his talents:

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The “post-apocalyptic” theme was huge in the 1980’s, as was imminent nuclear war. Throw in some “dick” jokes (private eye I mean) and a dance number or two and you’d think you’d have Oscar gold. Well you’d be wrong.

This classic never got a DVD release, nor did the soundtrack get a cassette or CD release (even though the film came out about the same time as CDs started their rise). Some kind soul did transfer a VHS copy to YouTube for everyone to enjoy. Great movie for crappy weather days…

Poop Inspections & Pet Sematary

Poop Inspections & Pet Sematary

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This week was yet another spirited conversation about some topics found around the internet.

The “Walking Dead Cat“, yep. “Pet Sematary” for reals…

Rule #1 for those trying to scam the work comp/disability companies – If you claim injuries that do not allow you to work, don’t go on a television show that requires challenges involving physical strength. Apparently this former NFL player did just that when he went on the television show “Survivor”…

The “The Rent Is Too Damn High” guy is getting evicted from his rent-controlled(“stabilized”) apartment, landlord is claiming that it isn’t his primary residence. An apartment for $872/mo in NYC? Holy shit!

If you think that rent is too high, how about an AirBnB listing to stay in a Alpine cable car 9,000ft in the air? It’s outfitted with many luxuries EXCEPT A TOILET! The article does mention that the car can be lowered so you can use an available toilet, WTF?

First it was the guy in New Mexico that was shafted out of $250,000 because of a misprinted scratch ticket, now a Canadian man is suing the lottery because his ticket with the winning numbers was printed 7 SECONDS after the cut-off for the drawing! He lost out on $27,000,000 because of the delay and wants half the jackpot (one other ticket had the winning numbers that night). This guy may have a case…

Poop Inspections“? We talk about how if this happened back in our day it would have been a non-issue & some bathroom stories from our youth…

We talk a lot about today’s generation being lazy, but in this case 2 enterprising teens tried to drum up snow shoveling business but were shut down by a neighbor’s anonymous complaint. Geez, is entrepreneurship dead?

In Germany, sperm donors are no longer allowed to be “anonymous” anymore because the courts found that it is the child’s right to find out their ancestry.

Here’s some of the dumb shit people have been doing with their drones (besides shooting “drone porn”). This is getting dangerous, especially for air travelers. I wonder if open-air stadiums will now have to come up with some sort of “drone protection” to keep them out of their stadiums…

If Matty had $25,000 to blow and a place to display it, he would totally buy the IMSAI computer set-up as featured in the movie, ‘War Games”.

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Until next week Junkies!

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Sunday Cinema – “Poision Ivy”

No, not the saucy & steamy movie starring Drew Barrymore. I’m talking about the made-for-TV movie starring some of your favorite hit show stars such as Michael J. Fox (of “Family Ties”) & Nancy McKeon (of “The Facts of Life”)! Back in the day to keep viewers interested between seasons (seasons ran from the fall until spring with a hiatus for the summer unlike today where a show can effectively have 2 or 3 seasons a year), networks would fund these movies using popular talent from their stable of shows. “High School USA” & “The Kid with the Broken Halo” are a few more of these classic movies.

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The plot of the movie involves a group of kids, a three-way romance, and of course plenty of slapstick comedy. The movie starts out at a train station where we meet all the players – a jock, his fat sidekick, a smooth operator, a runaway, & a geek – on their way to an 8-week stay at summer camp. We also meet Dennis, a new counselor that is only interested in getting with the female counselors rather than hanging around with kids all summer long. We also meet the anal head counselor Ike, who’s nose is so far up the camp director they could be Siamese twins.

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The love triangle occurs between Dennis (Michael J. Fox), Rhonda (Nancy McKeon), and camper Brian (Thomas Nowell). Some pretty wacky things happen to Brian as he pursues the lovely Rhonda…

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The end of summer culminates with annual “Color War” that teaches teamwork among the campers. Some take it way-y-y-y-y-y too seriously…

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In the end, Brian begins writing his novel, Jerry learns to be himself, & of course Dennis gets the girl…

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A cute movie for all ages, definitely a flashback to the Gen-Xers out there… You can check out the full movie on YouTube!

Brain Boosters, Referee-gate, & Something Awful

Brain Boosters, Referee-Gate, & Something Awful

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We started off talking about an article Matty found regarding all those supposed “brain boosting” drinks that can be found at your local convenience store. It seems that the “placebo effect” weighed heavily against them…

Talk about sensationalism, this article alarmed everyone stating that e-cigarettes could produce more formaldehyde than a regular cigarette. But you read the bottom of the article, only if you hold the button down for over a minute and a half would the e-cig produce 100 times more. No one in their right mind (stressing “right mind”) would toke on an e-cig for that long…

More diabolical than shipping your enemies horse crap that we showcased on a podcast last year, these people will ship your enemies envelopes of glitter! This would be bad, very bad as glitter gets everywhere and into every nook & cranny. But if there is someone you hate enough, I am sure that the $10 would be well-worth the investment to make them miserable…

Artisanal Alcohol has become a “hip” and “douchebaggy” fashion trend. Hipsters with their handlebar moustaches, Tom’s shoes, & alpaca wool stocking caps are waxing poetic about this craft beer or that small-batch bourbon. There is a bar that is cashing in big time by combining whisky tastings & the college pastime of body shots. In February you can pay to slurp 20 year old whisky from the bellybutton of a 20 year old as they regale you with tales from their life. Or maybe suck the woody & smoky liquid of a 50 year old whisky from the belly of a grizzled old biker… Geez…

Back when Matty first began his foray on the intertubes, there were a few staple sites that he visited. One he happened to re-visit was Something Awful, a comedy site that truly is Not Safe For Work (you have been warned). The favorite part of the site was the Comedy Goldmine section, a series of threads based on themes. Matty loved the stories of awkward moments with parents, terrible customers, & even a story someone wrote about dating a Rocky Horror geek. The archives are filled with great threads to read!

Dan the Man took time out to talk about sports with the whole “Deflate-gate” going on, Matty may have opened a can of worms on that one. But what prompted the conversation was an article about an inmate suing the NFL for almost $89 billion (with a B) for a bad call during a recent Dallas Cowboys game. Jen the Intern took a snooze while the guys talked…

This cannot be un-seen. It is NOT SAFE FOR WORK & WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES! You have been warned…

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Until next week Junkies!

Sunday Cinema – “Summer Job”

There was a time when media wasn’t always “on-demand”, when you had to venture out to a video store in order to watch movies. In the early 1980’s, the advent of the affordable Video Cassette Recorder brought forth a need to fill the video racks with content for people to rent. By the late 1980’s, tons of “straight to video” releases were available. As the years wore on many were purchased and transferred to a new format (DVD), while others unfortunately found themselves forgotten.

Thanks to sites like YouTube, generations of all ages can experience some of the wonders that were only available on VHS. This weekly segment will highlight some of those old classics and hopefully get more people to love and share these wonderful gems of yesteryear.

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Summer Job” is one of the films to come out towards the end of the VHS boom of “T&A” movies. Slapstick comedy, crude humor, & a little bit of nudity, these types of movies were really popular with the older teen set. The plot of the film is a group of college co-eds working for the summer at a posh summer resort in the hopes of getting paid & getting laid.

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There was the jock, the cowboy, the nerd, the ditz, the priss, the sporto, the “norm”, and of course the fat guy. There were many subplots that included a nerd who is afraid of sex, a priss that hates manual labor, & a fat guy that wants to be a lifeguard.

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Lots of crude humor abound as well as many scenes of needless toplessness of many of the female workers. One of my favorites is when the jock gets a testicle squeeze from one of the female co-workers & the next scene shows him handing an ice cream cone to a female guest. “Are these crushed nuts?” she asks. “I’m afraid so,” is his response in a high falsetto voice.

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Most of the subplots are resolved, we watch the fat guy work hard all summer & lose weight to become a life guard (and end up with the girl!). The nerd also gets over being afraid of sex and ends up getting the priss in bed with his move “the primrose porpoise”:

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Although there are a ton of nobodies in the movie, there is one interesting highlight. A few of the former members of the group E.L.O. scored the film with their new group Orkestra and show up as the party band at the end of the movie. (Oddly enough, the soundtrack is available for streaming on Spotify, search for “Summer Job Soundtrack”)

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Obviously this is a NSFW film because of the nudity, but for those that remember USA’s Up All Night or Night Flight, this is a welcome blast from the past.

A kind soul has transferred this classic to YouTube, so give it a watch! This is MattyV-approved!