Nice Try

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Okay, I guess I get the apartments & homes that have been left locked & untouched for years. And I suppose I get the stores that have been boarded up and left untouched for years. But to put up new chalkboards without removing the old, let alone leaving the original writing on them? Creepy…

Now this is a player that will go places after retiring from the NFL. Rob ‘The Gronk’ Gronkowski claims in his autobiography that he hasn’t touched any of the $10 million salary he’s received. He is frugal and lives off the money earned from endorsement deals & appearance fees. Sports Illustrated found that 78% of NFL players go broke or are under financial hardship within 2 years of retiring. That is one sad statistic…

Be careful of the latest “skinny jeans” fashion, ladies. You could cause nerve damage in your groin and legs or potential paralysis. This woman spent 4 days in the hospital, unable to walk because of them…

Boardshorts. Bermuda shorts. Swim trunks. Speedos. The Borat. Now there is just “the sack”…

Disney is literally selling sh*t to patrons at their Animal Kingdom park. No, not actual feces, but bakery items made to look like various animal excrement. Don’t think this is a way to get people to come to your park, Disney…

Jenn’s been binge-watching “Twilight Zone”, the episode she likes so far was “One More Pallbearer” & Matty’s is “Silence“…

“That’s a man, baby!”, or at least that’s what a security guard at a Detroit restaurant thought when he saw a “mannish-looking” woman enter the women’s restroom. She claims she was assaulted and humiliated as she was escorted out of the restaurant. Look at the photo – would you make the same mistake?

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Until next week Junkies

So, back in the early 1990’s martial arts & ninja movies were finding a resurgence thanks to the box office blockbuster “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”. Everyone wanted to capture a piece of the market. From failed video game crossovers (“Double Dragon” & “Streetfighter”) to even a Chuck Norris flick (“Sidekicks”), it seemed like ninjas were coming out of the woodwork. How do you distinguish yourself from the crowd? First hire a father/son team to act in it, especially since the son had a small supporting role in TMNT (Ernie Reyes Sr. & Ernie Reyes Jr.). Then you add some kids and surfing, along with an up-and-coming SNL cast member (Rob Schneider) and voila! “Surf Ninjas”…

The premise is simple, a couple of adopted brothers find out that they are long-lost princes of some island in the Pacific. Not only princes, but they also have magical martial arts powers as well. The dictator of said island wants the boys killed to avoid competition. The movie follows the boys as they avoid getting killed and make their way to the island in order to free their people.

Not the worst of the “kiddie ninja” films of the era, but not the best either. Some kind soul has transferred this modern classic to YouTube for all to enjoy…

Wait, What?

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Yes, a member of France’s government is stating that Nutella is damaging the environment! The use of palm oil apparently adds to deforestation because trees are being replaced by oil palms. The maker of Nutella is trying to find ways to produce the product with less environmental impact (good on them!).

Post Cereal is releasing a new flavor for their “Pebbles” line of cereal – Rainbow Sherbet flavor! Do kids even know who the Flintstones are anymore???

I can see where some people would be offended by the name, some Ohio grocery stores are pulling “Sweet Baby Jesus” beer from their shelves. I am sure this isn’t the first time a product has been pulled over inappropriateness…

Looking at the photos, I can vaguely see the resemblance but in reality it looks more like a piece of skin or fat pulled off the chicken and formed a “tail”. KFC has apparently debunked the issue…

There’s the casual fan, the rabid fan, the ultimate fan, and now the uber-creepy-holy-hell-what-did-you-do fan. This guy is having 29 Miley Cyrus tattoos removed from his body after the object of his devotion called them “ugly”…

Both Dan the Man & MattyV had one, Jen the Intern had one. but this high school in Ohio had 222. Yes, 222 valedictorians (equates to one in three seniors). The school changed the rules so that more students would qualify for scholarships associated with the designation. If this school changes the rules, who’s to say that all schools won’t to give their students the same advantage. Reminds MattyV of the Army’s change in allowing all troops to wear berets instead of just the special forces.

When does “your dildo” become “a dildo”? When you leave it behind in a hotel room. Apparently 30% of items left behind in hotel rooms are sex toys, geez talk about “gettin’ freaky deaky”!

A town in Massachusetts is looking for farmers willing to grow & sell medical marijuana, says it is a “great opportunity”…

There’s being a dick when it comes to divorce and then there’s this guy who decided to cut everything he and his ex-wife own in half. I’m not sure a judge will go along with his interpretation of “50% equity”, hope he made enough money on eBay to cover the costs…

Here’s an article on why you shouldn’t pay to cuddle (or pay $40 for a power nap)…

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Until next week Junkies

One of a number of early 1980’s sci-fi films to debut on cable television rather than the theater, this movie has a few signature things going for it. Most cheaply-made sci-fi movies are filmed in other countries and in locales that are to mimic ones in the United States, but fail miserably. This film was shot in South Africa and is supposed to be Los Angeles. The biggest error is that the vehicles are right-hand drive vehicles, not left-hand drive as in the states. Another signature is the use of b-movie actors, this one stars 2 of the greatest – John Saxon & Kay Lenz.

A doctor has developed a teleportation device that can transport people to an alternate universe. The three main characters are accidentally transported to a prehistoric Earth and have to deal with tribes of vicious cavemen, one tribe led by Kleel who has an interesting array of modern technology at his disposal…

Usually added to those “100 movies on DVD” collections you see in the Walmart bins, this gem was posted online for everyone to enjoy…

Getting Yours

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The gang is back together in the studio this week. Be sure to become a fan of Junkiosity on Facebook and see some of the photos that Jenn the Intern has posted as well as some other random stuff we don’t talk about on the pod!

This woman received a judgement of $83 million dollars from a debt collection agency that harassed her about a debt that wasn’t even hers!

Remember a couple of weeks ago we shared the story of the $39,000 birthday party for a 3 year old? Well, the dad has defended the elaborate gala basically by saying “F*ck you, it’s my money”…

Not sure if this happens everywhere or just in New York, but there is a high number of people getting rashes after being tattooed. MattyV is considering a tattoo, he might just think twice about it…

Unfortunately we can’t get to the entire article (we REFUSE to pay to read online content), but someone dug up an old NYT article on this new fad from California – the cheeseburger…

If you’re a Facebook fan, you saw a post about Pepsi and a possible comeback of one of their flavors but did you also know that they too are entering the craft soda arena?

Want to own a piece of nostalgia? Well, Bedrock City is currently up for sale. Modeled after Fred Flintstone’s hometown, this attraction was at it’s height a very popular tourist destination. Now in disrepair, the owner is looking to retire and sell. The price? Only $2 million, but that DOES NOT include the Hanna Barbera licensing rights (You’ll have to negotiate those yourself). AdamtheWoo took a tour of the grounds not too long ago…

So, want to experience one of the worst nautical disasters in history? Head to China and stay on an exact replica of the doomed ship Titanic. From the staircase to the rooms, everything is exactly as it was on the original ship. Taking it one step further, you can experience what it felt like when the ship hit the iceberg and sank into the cold sea. Those innovative Chinese, I tell you…

With a Trader Joe’s set to open hopefully this Fall near us, here is an article of the 4 worst things to buy and 7 of the best things to buy while shopping there…

As if things for Honey BooBoo couldn’t get worse, sister “Chickadee” is suing Mama June for money owed from the television series that was cancelled last October as well as money from merchandise that was sold. Merchandise? Really? And on top of that, Mama June threatened to sue TLC because they didn’t immediately pull “19 Kids and Counting” from the air as they did her show, claiming that the child molester on “19 Kids and Counting” was a part of the on-screen cast whereas her child molester boyfriend was never shown on-air…

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Until next week Junkies

I remember seeing the VHS box for this movie on the shelf at Video Today (which is no longer). A sneaker with a bloody knife through it & a sheet of crumpled spiral notebook, a letter home from a camper. I saw this when I was maybe 13 or 14, a bit younger than the demographic this movie was aimed at for sure.

All I can say is, this is the first movie where I truly understood the term “twist ending”. A killer is loose in a “sleepaway camp” (aka summer camp), each murder more bizarre than the last. But the ending, oh the ending.

It has spawned several sequels (2 involving Bruce Springsteen’s sister, Pamela) and The Shout Factory is releasing remastered Blu-Ray versions of the first three movies.

This is certainly not a movie for the squeamish. A warning.

Some kind soul has posted a copy of it online for everyone to view…

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Unfortunately MattyV’s dad was involved in an auto/bicycle accident so the gang wasn’t able to get together. However, MattyV has put together some movies to check out on YouTube to get you in the mood for mischievous hijinks and good times – or maybe to help you remember some of those mischievous hijinks and good times from when you were a teen…

“State Park” (aka “Heavy Metal Summer”) is a Canadian flick about a group of teens wanting to save a state park from an evil businessman who wants to use it as a toxic waste dump. There are some cameos (Ted Nugent!) and some funny scenes to be had…

“Summer Camp” was a late 1970’s flick that seems to have had its plot stolen by an early 1990’s film. A camp director invites past campers back for a weekend in the hopes of getting them to pay for fixing it up. Plenty of nudity & crude pranks fill this turd bowl of a film…

“Pick-up Summer” is another Canadian teen sex comedy about a couple of teen boys trying to get with the girls, have some fun with the local biker gang, & win a pinball competition(?). The outfits & music alone make this worth watching for a laugh…

“GORP” – Assuming this is in reference to the camp staple. “Good Ol’ Raisins & Peanuts”, set in a Jewish (!) Summer camp this film pits the camp waitstaff against the counselors in a fight for love & the entire camp!

“Oddballs” – Now this one is trying to be like an “Airplane-like” spoof of the Summer camp genre but fails. It does have its own charm and humor, though. A group of boys try to save their Summer camp from being bulldozed in favor of a shopping mall. Yet another Canadian creation…

Of course you can check out our “Sunday Cinema” selections “Poison Ivy” & “Summer Job” as well!

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Until next week Junkies

What was meant to be a sequel to the “Masters of the Universe” live-action movie turned into this turd of a flick that’s only saving grace was the one and only Jean-Claude Van Damme. The once-powerful studio, Cannon, found this film to be their last theatrical release before their bankruptcy in 1987. And it did fairly well with an approximated budget of $500,000 ($2,000,000 had already been spent on the production set design when it was going to be doing double-duty as a set for the “Masters of the Universe” sequel as well as a “Spiderman” movie), it raked in over $10,000,000 in ticket & video sales.

In the near future the entire world population succumbs to a deadly plague. Pearl Prophet is a cyborg carrying vital information regarding a cure to the plague that needs to reach scientists in Atlanta, GA. Gibson Rickenbacker (yes, his character’s name) is a hired gun that is supposed to escort her there. But there is a gang headed by Fender Tremolo (a lot of musical instrument references here) wants the information and the key to the cure so he can rule the world. Fighting, cheesy dialogue, outrageous post-apocalyptic outfits and weapons (look for paintball guns!), it’s a great sci-fi flick from the late 1980’s…

Someone was kind enough to put this up on YouTube for all of us to enjoy!

Now Serving

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The gang was able to get together at the local Barnes & Noble that SERVES Starbucks coffee & is not a franchise (which means they don’t have to accept franchise coupons or cards)… Reminds me of a comedy routine someone came up with about wanting to start a McDonald’s franchise and NOT serve traditional menu items found at a McDonald’s (since many of the items do state “at participating locations”)…

This Facebook story saddens all of us. The state of our education system is apparently at-fault when this woman tried to sell her items on a Facebook sale group because she was “price-gouging” people. Even with the math clearly pointed out showing she was selling at a discount, people could not compute… Sad panda…

Despite putting a tax on sugared drinks (including sweet tea, soda, lemonade, & sports drinks), the city of Berkeley California has made $116,000 in the first month. Just like the increased tax on tobacco products, people will pay if they want something bad enough and the average 16 to 20 extra cents apparently isn’t enough to deter people from drinking them…

Colorado has been cut out of High Times’ “Strongest Strains on Earth” 2015 issue due to the fact that 9 out of 15 of the strongest marijuana strains have been developed there. I suppose the magazine wants to showcase strains from other places. Matty & Jenn are lost on the descriptions of strains & wines & beers…

Jenn’s price point for cheese is around $6 a pound, so I guess this cheese is a little too steep for her blood. Most of the 450lbs of the 20 year old cheese is spoken for…

Poor move on the part of police, the Slidell LA police department shamed a homeless man on their Facebook page by posting his face & stating he had $800 on him at the time of arrest. Most feel they have just painted a target on his back for thieves…

Jenn the Intern has been excited about this since the rumors first started flying, here is Faith No More’s new album “Sol Invictus” available on Spotify. Spotify is free to join, use our shameless referral link above to sign up! Enjoy!

Here once again is Dan’s Psychostick Essentials on Spotify, the gang may get out to a show if they ever come back to Grand Rapids or Muskegon. Hell, maybe we’ll get an exclusive interview!

In Queens, NY over 100 kids were herded into a stuffy auditorium to watch old Disney movies while their classmates attended a carnival outside. The issue was that they didn’t pony up the $10 per kid. The owner of the carnival is going to set up a carnival just for the kids left out… On the one side – this carnival was during school hours, which is the sticking point. If it were after-hours or on a weekend, I don’t think it would have been as big a deal.

$39,000 birthday party for their 3 year old is a bit much according to many. From an oyster bar to expensive cognac, a visit from an Australian Idol contestant, most believe this to be more for the parents than the child…

Produced in part by Rashida Jones, Netflix’s “Hot Girls Wanted” is a documentary that looks into the seedy side of amateur porn. According to the documentary, there are more visits to porn sites than Netflix, YouTube, & Twitter combined.

Check out “Celebrity Name Game with Craig Ferguson“, “Goon“, & “Super High Me”

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Until next week Junkies

This week’s selection is actually a new release. Thanks to a successful Kickstarter campaign, this 30 minute movie was born. A parody of 1980’s American martial arts movies, Kung Fury is chock full of references that any Gen-Xer will get…

The basic premise of the movie is that one of Kung Fury’s friends is assassinated by none other than Adolf Hitler (yes, that Adolph Hitler), so Kung travels back in time to kill Hitler and end the Nazi empire once and for all.

It is cheesy? The cheesiest? Is it over the top? You bet. Do you have to watch it? Yes, yes you do if you’re a fan of Junkiosity…

And the studio, Laser Unicorns, has put this gem up on YouTube in HD! Enjoy!